Working Mother

This entry was written by Gloria G. Barsamian (pictured below), author of a new book; Sustenance and Hope for Caregivers of Elderly Parents; The Bread of Angels (Praeger Press)

The world’s baby boomers will triple by the year 2050. Many boomers are finding caretaking a challenging and sometimes bewildering experience.

All of us will eventually be caretaking or care receiving as the longevity revolution continues into the 21st century. Increasing longevity raises the prospect that two generations within a single family may need caregiving, placing increasing and potentially impossible burdens on those who may find themselves caring for both parents and grandparents. As more and more of us find ourselves in the role of caregiver or care receiver, we need to take a fresh look at the challenges inherent in such relationships, but we also need a new vision of caregiving: one that emphasizes the potential rewards, emotional and spiritual, that can accompany this most demanding of life’s challenges.

Millions of Americans will end up in a caregiving or care-receiving situation eventually. Apprehension is understandable. How will we balance our own families, careers, and retirement dreams with the demands of caregiving? How will it interrupt our lives or defer our dreams? How will the emotional toll affect our families and ourselves? Will we have the emotional strength to provide care if a parent is debilitated for a long time?

These are some of the natural questions that almost all of us ask ourselves. Typically, however, families do not address these complex issues until the crisis is upon them. It’s crucial that families, if at all possible, begin the caregiving discussion well before a parent becomes ill.

The typical caregiving situation is an adult child caring for an elderly parent, yet there are many permutations. For example, a parent might find him- or herself caring for both an adult child and that adult child’s family; a spouse can be caring for his or her mate; or a grandchild may be caring for a grandparent. Regardless of the exact caregiving situation, this kind of early discussion can be very helpful.

Many families find opening the conversation about caregiving requires a shift from long-established family dynamics that have prevented the family members from relating to each other. But once the conversation is in the open, the relationship between family members can be enriched and deepened. For caregivers and receivers, once new dynamics are established, the process becomes something to no longer fear. If a discussion starts early enough with the purpose of creating reciprocal advantages for both generations, caregiving can become a long-awaited and well-prepared source of renewal and meaning for both the caregiver and the care-receiver.

Barsamian spent twenty-eight years as the first medical social worker at the Lahey Clinic in Massachusetts. She organized and implemented the first department of social work at the hospital and became known to families under stress as the person of whom to turn. She conducted individual and family therapy with patients. No amount of research, however, prepared her for the task of care giving until her own parents and husband became ill.

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Related posts:

1. How to Talk About Caregiving with Your Aging Parents