Working Mother

Do you wish your parents would help with babysitting, financial support or even picking up your dry cleaning?

Growing Old in America, a just-released study by the Pew Research Center, shows that parents and their adult children are relying on each other in many ways. Aside from the interesting retirement data in the study, what caught my eye is that 36% of respondents ages 65 and older say they help with their children with childcare. In addition, 51% of them say they have given their children money in the past year. And 32% of respondents 65 and older have provided help with errands, housework, and even home repairs.

Housework and financial support is definitely nice, but I’ve always been envious of the working parents who can rely on their own parents for childcare. This week my son’s sitter is away on vacation, and because school is finished but camp hasn’t started, we had a problem. It would be so wonderful if one of his many grandparents could step in. But they are all at least two hours away. Luckily, our neighbor is watching him, which is arguably the next best thing to family.

Even so, I’m envious of the strong bonds children have with the grandparents who babysit for them on a regular basis. For example, a colleague’s mother-in-law just came to visit from the Czech Republic for two months, which made caring for his daughter, who is almost 2, a lot simpler. In the beginning, his daughter wouldn’t go to her grandmom, but, by the end of the visit, she was calling out her grandmother’s name (Baba) from the moment she woke up. Even more amazing: Baba got her potty trained.

Another editor here at BusinessWeek has what seems like an ideal set up: her mother-in-law is her daughter’s primary caregiver, and the mother-in-law does it for free. By now everyone in America knows that Michelle Obama’s mother Marian Robinson (pictured here) is helping out with caregiving for first daughters Sasha and Malia.

I realize the grass is always greener. Indeed, family tensions can flare up When Granny is Your Nanny, according to the Wall Street Journal’s Sue Shellenbarger. In her newspaper article and a follow-up piece on the Juggle blog, Shellenbarger writes about the complicated cross-generational child-rearing dynamic. Parents and grandparents may have conflicting views on food, sleep, homework, TV and computer use. For example, one grandparent lets her grandson eat ice cream while he is watching TV. Although his mother doesn’t let him do that, she often looks the other way.

Despite the potential for family clashes, it seems like more households are opting for what is considered an “old world” childcare solution.

The proportion of preschoolers cared for primarily by their grandparents while their mothers work rose to 19.4% in 2005, the latest data available, from 15.9% in 1995, the Census Bureau says. A wave of closings and cutbacks in child-care facilities suggest the trend is continuing.

Do you think your parents or in-laws can provide ideal childcare? Why or why not? Feel free to air your clean (or dirty) laundry here.

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