Working Mother

Archive for October, 2009

This is a cross post with the Investing Insights blog.

Women with children are feeling the impact of the economic downturn most profoundly, according to a new survey. “Women with children are tightening their purse strings and protecting their lairs,” says Lisa Caputo, chairman and CEO of Citi’s (C) Women & Co., a financial resource for women.

Caputo, pictured here, says the financial pullback by women with kids is particularly worrisome because women—who control 80% of household finances—are a critical barometer for the U.S. economy. “How women are feeling is going to help lead our country out of a recession,” Caputo says.

Three-quarters of women with children say their spending and savings habits been permanently altered by the recession compared with 61% of women without children as well as 60% of all men who had the same response, according to the survey. And while we all know that memories are short, Caputo says the economic downturn should have a long-lasting impact on the psyche of American women. “My own perspective is that nothing is forever, but right here, right now, that’s how women are feeling,” she says.

Other noteworthy stats about women with kids from the survey:

• 63% say they have delayed the purchase of a big-ticket item such as a car. By comparison, just 50% of women without kids in the home and 52% of men have postponed major purchases.

• 52% of women with children have taken money out of savings or investments to help cover expenses. By contrast, 42% of women without children and 39% of men have dipped into those savings.

• 31% of women with kids are pursuing additional education. Just 16% of women without children and 21% of men are returning to school.

It’s also interesting to note that wealthy women with assets exceeding $250,000 are feeling the pinch, too. According to the survey, 66% of these women are cutting back on everyday expenses.

“Every working mom I know feels like they are working longer hours—or not working,” Caputo says. “There is a reset going on in the minds of women today.”

Have you permanently changed your spending and saving habits in response to the recession? Why or why not?

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What are the things your friends and family never told you about life as a Working Parent? Kristin Maschka, the past president and national spokesperson for Mothers & More, answers that question while addressing the myths and traditions associated with motherhood, parenting, and work in her new book, This Is Not How I Thought It Would Be: Remodeling Motherhood To Get The Lives We Want Today (Berkley Trade). She spoke to me about her revelations as a working mom.

The title of your new book is “This Is Not How I Thought It Would Be…” which begs the question: How did you envision motherhood?
The title is literally what I found myself saying or thinking to myself over and over after we had our daughter! This is NOT how I thought it would be.

Like many mothers I found there was a big disconnect between the way I thought motherhood in the 21st century would be and the way it turned out to be. My modern egalitarian marriage turned into something out of “Ozzie and Harriet” or “Leave it to Beaver.”

My previously successful career literally came to an abrupt and unexpected halt, which meant I lost colleagues, a paycheck, a big part of my identity. While I kept my name when I got married, when we had our daughter I suddenly lost it and became “Kate’s mom.”

Frankly nothing was how I thought it would be and no one seemed to be able to tell me why or what to do about it. So I wrote This is Not How I Thought It Would Be to explain what I learned about why that happens and to provide mothers with the simple tools they need to remodel motherhood to get the lives they want today.

Who is the “happiest” working mom you know? Why? And who is the “happiest” working dad?
What makes any employed mother or employed father happy is being able to find an employment situation that fits his or her own needs and the needs of their family, and that can be reasonably adapted as things change. Unfortunately, that’s harder than it should be.

Jobs and workplace culture still reflect an old assumption that a worker is a man with a wife at home, leaving both mothers and fathers today feeling like square pegs trying to fit into a round hole.

How can our employers help us be better parents?
I think employers can help us be better parents, lead better lives AND be more productive by confronting the reality that one-size-fits-all jobs just don’t work anymore for mothers or fathers.

Given the convergence of several trends – colleges graduating more women than men, the retirement of the Baby Boomers, and an increasing high school drop-out rate - employers and our economy will eventually face a labor shortage again. Those companies that figure out how to customize jobs, for example like Deloitte does , will be better positioned to attract and keep good employees.

What was your most eye-opening “remodeling” experience as a parent?
My most eye-opening moment, and a turning point in my remodeling project, was realizing that perhaps the biggest barrier to having the life I wanted was that my husband couldn’t figure out how to get the life he wanted either. Remodeling is a project mothers and fathers have to tackle together.

While many of the dilemmas mothers face combining employment and family haven’t changed much in the last twenty-five years, research tells us that the experience of fathers – and mothers’ expectations of fathers – has changed dramatically in that same time. Fathers are doing more family work than ever and feeling more conflict between family and employment than ever. We really are more in the same boat that we often realize.

The Families & Work Institute just published a study that shows the recession is taking a terrible toll on workers—1 in 3 is showing signs of depression, 1 in 4 smoke, and most don’t exercise or take enough vacation time. Any tips for these stressed-out Working Parents on “remodeling” their mental and physical state while staying employed?
It is important to remember that managing your energy is more important than managing your time. A great tip from some friends of mine. Have each spouse make a list of three things he or she needs each week to stay sane and energized. Trade lists and work together to figure out how to make at least one or more of those happen for each other.

For the couple who gave me this tip, she wanted to sleep in one weekend morning, and he wanted one chance each week to workout for as long as he wanted. Mothers and fathers need to look at time as a shared family resource and plan together for investing that time to keep everyone healthy mentally and physically.

For more about Kristin, check out her blog.

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Surgeons these days are worried about the decreasing numbers of medical school graduates that choose surgery as a specialty. At the recent annual meeting of the American Association for the Surgery of Trauma, outgoing president Dr. Gregory Jurkovich blamed lifestyle decisions. Today’s medical students, he told the meeting, would rather go into specialties with controllable hours, such as dermatology, in order to avoid emergencies and on-call duty.

Several surveys back up his observation, such as a 2003 study that found that “controllable lifestyle” decisions explained 55% of the shift in medical students’ specialty choices from 1996 to 2002. During that time, the percentage of students who chose dermatology rose from 0.2% to 2.3%, while those who selected general surgery fell from 10.4% to 7.6%.

The medical blog EMGN: Notes From The Road had an interesting reaction to the speech:

This idea of “controllable lifestyle”… got me wondering how much of a role lifestyle plays in anyone’s decision about a career. I had always assumed that people ended up in their career path in one of four ways.
(a) “I always wanted to be a ——.”
(b) “I followed my interests and hoped it would work out.”
(c)”I didn’t know what I wanted to do, so I picked business.”
(d) “I just sort of ended up doing this.”

When I came of age, longer ago than I will admit here, I don’t know of anyone who sought a “controllable lifestyle,” except for those who wanted to lead a lifestyle where they suffered under as little control as possible (ski bum, beach bum, waiter writing a great novel on the side, etc). The rest of us fell into EMGN’s four categories. I was definitely an A. I decided to become a reporter at age 11, after reading a biography of Nellie Bly, gal reporter, in sixth grade. I grew up in a small, farming community where the women who worked were teachers, nurses, shop clerks or factory workers. Bly, who lived from 1864 to 1922, lead a life of adventure that sounded far more exciting, and that was it for me–I too would travel the globe and write daring stories that would change the world. For the most part, I haven’t regretted that choice, even though it certainly hasn’t given me a controllable lifestyle.

Now my 11-year-old daughter wants to be a dancer, a ballet dancer to be precise, a choice that I admit I’m not keen on (I see a lot of waitressing in her future if she sticks to it). I assume she will likely change her mind in a few years, even though I never changed my 11-year-old goal. I suppose we hope that our children do end up with controllable lifestyles or at least lifestyles where they can support themselves in a fashion that won’t make us shudder when we walk into their first apartment.

So readers, Let me ask you: What made you choose your career? Any regrets? And what reasons would you like your children to use when choosing theirs? Should they follow their dreams, no matter how impractical? Put lifestyle first? Think about the long haul–family responsibilities, retirement, financial security? Play it as it comes?
Looking forward to hearing your responses.

If you want to read about one recent college grad’s choice, read my earlier post Off the Treadmill, Into Telluride. Another controversy simmering in the medical world is whether or not the rising number of women doctors is contributing to a medical shortage because they want to work shorter hours; read Women Doctors: Waste of Money? for more on that issue.

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